A mother somewhere is crying uncontrollably. Her baby is gone forever, and for what? A wife, father, brother and sister all wonder why? Why did it happen? How could it happen?
“Sgt Smith was a good Soldier and a good husband….” And the remembrance will begin. Or is it a “celebration of life” as is the popular phrase. He is dead.
Fellow Soldiers who knew him, worked with him and talked with him yesterday or the day before are all wondering if they should have known? Could they have known? Were there signs? The whole unit grieves.
The section sergeant; it was her Soldier. Good or bad she asks herself if she handled him correctly, what did she miss? The Platoon sergeant and platoon leader will talk over coffee, maybe cry in their rooms and feel like they failed as leaders.
All the commanders are hurt. The company commander missed the signs; the Battalion commander lost a Soldier and it may be the only casualty of the whole deployment. He may be scarred for years wondering what he could have done. The Brigade Commander is hurt. He really thought they would make it home without this. “Only seven more days and the Soldier would have been home. Damn!”
His wife was deployed with him. They shared a CHU. You know there is grieving and wondering, pain, doubt all through her.
And there is a little doubt…was it suicide? Initially everybody thinks so, right? What else can it be? But right now it is a “death” and being investigated, even as the body is shipped home. His wife accompanies him.
The memorial service is well attended considering all the activity. Most of the company, a few others are there and of course some VIPs come in to lend a sense of somberness and seriousness to the whole affair. It is pretty clear they (the battalion conducting the service) didn't rehearse anything (or not very well) and there are a few stumbles and missteps. (Note to self: rehearsal is important everywhere, but especially so at times like these). Overall it is “nice” but really it sucks.
There are no answers yet and who among the attendees really knew this guy? Who was really his friend? Was there brotherly love and affection or just a bunch of guys doing a mission? Was he really an outcast or the most popular guy in his section and platoon?
This isn’t my first exposure and I am five degrees removed (okay only three), but what can you say? What can you think? You can give a little prayer for the family, the wife, the child at home with his grandma. Oh, yeah, how about a prayer for mercy and forgiveness to the Soldier? Maybe a little extra one for your own family and then a prayer of thanksgiving that you have been blessed and God hasn’t taken any of your own (Yet.) Once you get over fifty time moves faster and more people are dying all the time every day.
Suicide. The army (and all the armed services) spend an incredible amount of money talking about suicide prevention. There are mandatory 4 hour blocks of instruction for everybody with an extra emphasis for leaders to “be aware” and “signs to look for”. Public Service announcements (PSAs) on the Armed Forces radio and television network about suicide (and every other malady that affects Soldiers: texting while driving; driving while drunk; leaving your password on a sticky note on the bottom of your keyboard. They have everything covered if we would only listen and heed!)
At NFH (and if you didn’t commit suicide there it is only because they didn’t give you ammo) there was a safety class and here is an amazing fact: more suicides occur with Guardsman and reservists than the active duty last year. But wait! There is more! Most of the suicides occurred in Soldiers who were at home in the United States. Many of them had never deployed!
When we were at North Fort Hood there were three suicides (maybe more) in a week. Fortunately for us they were all at South Ft. Hood with active duty Soldiers. They were in a panic and searching for a solution (as though there is one).
If that isn’t enough after careful analysis by the army safety center and other important people and agencies they have found this: there is NO correlation and no constant. There really are no experiences, ages, marital status or anything else that will predict a suicide. So….we are just on the lookout for “signs”. And really I think most people might know what some of those signs might be; unusually depressed, change in personality, stressful situations (or unstressful situations) and other things where you might say “We need to keep an eye on him.”
What if the Soldier had a suicide prevention appointment that day which he missed (of course he missed it because…he couldn’t make it, if you know what I mean (a little too late for him.)
And as you get the news you go through the stages of grief pretty fast.
“Oh my gosh that is terrible!”
“Did you know him? Oh, good, I mean that’s fortunate.” (Like not knowing him helps me not be depressed because he is dead but I don’t know him. Whew!)
“What unit was he in? Oh, who are they? That is a big unit.” Further removing yourself. Okay, a little breathing room…
“Well, the good news is the wife will get 500K, so it isn’t all bad.” Finding good in a death helps move us all along towards…
“Why do you think he did it? I mean he was almost home! But maybe that was the problem! He didn’t want to go home! Maybe marital problems?”
“Then that wasn’t very smart. Pissed at the wife so you kill yourself? She gets the money, the kid, and she is still alive and all you get is you are dead!” (Soldier logic and instant analysis.)
Great speculation and a move toward minimizing the death by identifying why it could only be committed by a man of lesser intelligence. Now you really start to feel better. So finally you look at the clock and say, “Hey, are you hungry? What’s for lunch?”
In the space of 5 minutes you are able to grieve and move on. Sure you might feel a little during the memorial service in a day or two (as long as it doesn’t run too long or make you miss lunch) but you have your own trip home to worry about. Your wife, your kid, your family and all the fun stuff you are going to do when you leave this god-forsaken land in 6 days, 4 hours and hopefully 23 minutes (if your flight takes off on time, but who is counting?)
If I may steal from the poet…
Each Soldier's death diminishes me,
For I am Soldier.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for me.
For I am Soldier.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for me.
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