I had been outwardly my cheerful happy self since arriving at North Ft. Hood, but inside I still had a vague emptiness. I was over the stages of grief and had accepted my mission and deployment. But I still had emptiness in my stomach. A vague non-descript blah waiting for something to bring me a little joy and happiness.
So I was explaining it to CPT Houston; a smoker from the Minnesota transplanted some time back in the Sacramento area who is the brigade signal expert and known as the “S6”. [The “S6” or Staff area 6 is the area regarding all methods of electronic communication. Satellite, internet, radios, military cell phones, computer analysis, help desk support and hook-up for secret and non-secret communications.] She is a tough cookie with a heart of gold, an attitude of “Oh yes! We can fix that, you know! (insert Minnesota twang here) and a smile to light up the room.
“You know Sir; you are going to be here for a whole year. You might as well make the best of it!” said CPT Houston.
It was just that simple. She was right! I had an epiphany! Just like that. Magic! I felt like the guy in the movie “Office Space” after the Psychologist hypnotizes him to relieve his anxiety (and has a heart attack before he snaps him out of it so he stays calm and relaxed the remainder of the movie). No more worries. Happy every day since.
My conversations are filled with laughter, some personal singing, smiles all around and you just want to say something like “Man! I am blessed! What a GREAT day!” Every morning and all day long. This is a feeling I have never quite experienced before. Crazy happy and cheerful (but not insanely happy, because then I would be certifiable Section 8 crazy and they would send me home.)
When you read the blog posts you might get the false impression that I am a cynic or a discontent. A back wall kibitzer who fails to realize how important our mission is and how lives depend upon our good leadership and decision making. No, I got that. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy the day the Lord has made and spread joy and sunshine to everybody we meet!
But I am not blind to the ironic, ridiculous, sublime, foolish, bureaucratic or random idiocy that comes my way (and in turn the Soldiers path). Really I have it so much better than so many of our Soldiers based upon rank (the higher your rank the better you have it.) I AM 50 after all, and that should count for something. What it counts for I am not sure yet but I am determined to identify that value and payoff before I return for good.
This conversation took place between the commander and a Sergeant I know, love and respect (it helps that he is approaching 50). I will paraphrase here but…:
“Are you excited about this trip?”
“Sir: No I am not sir.”
“Well this is a great opportunity and we are going to do great things in Iraq. We will be the first Guard Aviation Brigade Headquarters to command all aviation as Iraq transitions to freedom and U.S. Forces exit Iraq. Surely that must make you excited?”
“No sir. Not really sir.”
“But you volunteered for this mission? Why aren’t you excited?”
“Sir, this mission is going to destroy ten families at least. That means just in our unit about 15% of our married Soldiers will end up divorced. That will devastate their children, their own families and cause an emotional toll that is immeasurable sir. So I am NOT excited…but I am ready. Sir.”
There is a cost far beyond the loss of life in Iraq which is very small to non-existent especially at this time. (There is always risk and danger and who knows what the future brings in terms of conflict, but right now armed conflict is minimal).
So every day you need to thank God for those whose marriages are saved and pray for whose are lost. That is a real toll that so many Soldiers’ families pay every deployment.
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