“Fun Run?! Are you F&*#ing Kidding me?"

“Fun Run?!  Are you F&*#ing Kidding me?  Who the &#%$ thought up that idea?”

“Gee whiz!  Don’t you think that is a little harsh?”

“Flock no!  It is stupid!  I told them it was stupid.  The day before we freaking leave?  Somebody could be injured or something.  I can’t run.  But what bunch of B&%$ S#&*!”

Some people really know how to express themselves with nuance, grace and aplomb.  Then there are guys who really should have been in the Navy…

I know, for a casual reader running a “voluntary” run for “fun” seems like a nice idea.  And when it is all over it will be looked back at fondly as a moment that redefined again the same definition you previously had; insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  For Soldiers who have been out and about (or are over 50) the natural reaction is a negative one.  Selfish, self-centered, health conscious though we might be, the immediate thoughts are: it will be cold; it will be dark; it will be painful; it will be early; it will affect my beauty rest; somebody will get hurt just before they can go on leave;  it will be faster than I can run; it will hurt. Fun and Run rhyme but you really can’t use them together (especially in the army!)

Run about 3 miles in a temperature above freezing with a little wind chill.  Fortunately somebody decided to wait until the sun came up.  I think it helped.

Look at it another way: 

At 20 Soldiers are excited and happy!  They joined the army and are doing “Army” stuff, like getting up early and doing exercise!  It makes them feel strong, motivated and ready to go serve their country.  Their bodies heal in a day, they can run like the wind, they can run and chant and feel like a part of a greater organization.  They even say stuff like “Hooah!”  and “Hoooooooaaaaaahhhh!” and can use that word as a noun, adjective, verb, participle and preposition (think George Carlin and the F-word.) 

                                                                                             

At 30 a Soldier has made the transition from running like the wind to running with the wind.  They get up early to change diapers and make breakfast for their kids. They are in the Army still and proud of their service but a little of the shine is gone and like silver that is a little tarnished you can still see the silver, but it is tarnished beyond normal use.  Every so often you break out the silver polish (Tarn-X?) but for the most part it stays in the drawer.  They serve with pride and are ready to go when ordered but are less likely to volunteer for a tough assignment (like Iraq or Afghanistan).  Their bodies heal in a week or two and they work hard to just stay in shape.  They run on their own, work out at the gym instead of with a group when possible and stay away from running in formation chanting and running their mornings away.  They can still “Hoooahh!” on command or when needed and sound very convincing to their subordinates or superiors that they are still “in the game”, but it isn't sustainable for most beyond a few minutes, days or weeks.

At 40 good Soldiers understandably take a rather dim view of running for “fun”.  Drinking is for fun; getting your wife to show a little affection is “fun”; watching professional athletes plow into each other at breakneck speed throwing and catching balls is fun.  Even screaming at your kids to make that shot, run faster, push harder and “really make it hurt!” is fun.  But for me the F and U still stand, but the N is missing replaced by any number of other letter combinations.  Freaking Unbelievable is one word choice….

At 50 most Soldiers know better and get a Profile.  A medical note that says you don’t have to run.  If you are really determined you get one that says no running, push-ups, sit-ups or marching (or any exercise at all.)

But some of us keep trying to fake it; 50 is the new 30…in our minds.  Just don’t make me prove it!  

So when I mentioned t to Young Matthew he sent me an email giving thoughtful reflections on this type of event.

“Hahahahaha......yup, getting better everyday and got the stuff
down...looking forward to your next blog...wow, I didn't know "fun" and
"run" went together in the same sentence...i'm assuming this is Ruckeresque "mandatory fun", huh? Awesome...yea, I got a great idea, lets all get in our PT's with color coordinated PT belts and go run in the f'in bitter cold right before we get to go home and enjoy the holidays with our families...YES!!! that's EXACTLY what I want to do the day that I leave!!!  Dirty another set of uniforms instead of prepping and packing to go home...Lord, help us....”

Y.M. has a way of expressing himself that I find refreshing.  Ah! Youth!

So even I took a stab at it.  I talked to the person who I surmised had thought this idea up.  Oops!  Wrong!  So after a short discussion that went something like this;

“Are you serious?  Bad news travels a lot faster than good news.  Is this going to be 3.6 miles?  Some people can’t run that far!  Is it mandatory?  Is it in formation?”

“You are the 5th person to tell me it is a bad idea, but…Oh come on!  It will be fun!  And it is only going to be a 5K.  You don’t have to run, you can just cheer!  The army always has stuff that you attend and it sounds terrible, but it is always okay!”

“Sure.  And I always participate, but it just seems like this wasn’t staffed very well.  It just seems like the three of you said “What a great idea!” without any vetting or staffing on how to make it better or make sure it meets your end state.  Can I make a few suggestions on how to make it better?”

Everybody is ultimately a team player and a week later (like we had a choice) went out there to greet the sun and cheer on the brave ones who could run and loved it.  It was a little chilly.  After the “Open” group took off the next group was waiting in the cold. They kept them waiting 10 minutes so they didn’t interfere with the fast runners.

Some units ran as a group and there was pretty good participation.  But for those over 50 who can barely run 2 miles with a tail wind after a through warm-up thought discretion was the better side of valor and moved out smartly to the dining facility and breakfast.  Everybody was in a great mood overall.  I am not sure was it the run or that we were all heading home for our Christmas pass but we were almost all cheerful. Except for a few malcontents who complained of the bitter cold it was another great, successful team building success story.