In Taji you can get all 9 episodes of The Office for $10.00. Nine seasons….obviously I have a little free time but it takes time to watch all those episodes. The show is a great distraction from writing so that might help explain a part of why I haven’t been writing. I have been watching all the episodes of James Bond (27?) and now “the Office” plus non-chargeable R&R for 21 days…so I had a chance to think about getting my own apartment, if necessary, when I got back. Crazy, I know, but I considered it.
But what about love? There are many people who fall in and out of love in the series. There are many who fall in and out of love in life. And somewhere between season 4 and season 7 there was a scene that caught even hard hearted Sexy Jake by surprise. I think it was him…it might have been Hot Cakes, but I can’t really remember exactly…but they were touched deeply. Even more than when we watched “P.S. I love you!” (Official movie of the S4) or when any other romantic claptrap that causes wet stuff to get in the eyes and obscure your vision.
I agree with the show completely (it is a television show...that is always easier than real life…) That episode explains exactly how I feel a relationship should be. But I get ahead of myself…and when I feel like a relationship (marriage) isn’t exactly as I think it should be I am ready to punch out, eject, move on, go my own way, live alone and in abject apathy because anything less isn’t a love I want to be involved in. I don’t want to work at a marriage; I don’t want to understand, work to get along, struggle to make it work or even have to suffer in marriage or in the marriage. I am lazy.
I want my marriage to be excitement, joy, warm feelings of excitement and expectation. I want to wake every morning and see my bride as the morning light explodes and radiates across her face. I want to love her to the end. I want to see my wife as a princess and a queen every day all the time. A woman who is so special, unique, beautiful, precious, tender, fantastic and indescribably wonderful to me every day that I can’t live without her! A woman that is better than a dream, more wonderful than a fantasy. I want a friend whenever life is hard; a lover when I am lonely; a helpmate when I need assistance and someone who knows my needs before I do. I want to be that same man for my woman, my wife. I want a lot.
I know; how about those wedding vows?! Sickness and health and so forth? I can’t remember exactly the details of my vows, but I know some stuff was left out (something to do with “We don’t obey anymore!”), but I think wedding vows are like the pirate’s code. Don’t give me a marriage parlay or dictate to me about the code. As everyone knows the pirate’s code is more like…guidelines, you know?
Please don’t distract me because it is possible that my dear wife, the apple of my eye, the woman in my life will someday read this and I must focus on what marriage really means to me. Not just living with a ball and chain, having a built-in gardener and handyman or the other benefits and reasons that women marry men. And why do men marry women? A Mystery! That is an absolute mystery. The better question is (and something I can handle) is: “Why do men stay married to women?” I mean, what do we want?
Jim expresses it perfectly in this episode of "the office".
If you are familiar with the program, you know that Jim often says many things that are a little cynical. He is mostly honest in a forthright and slightly humorous way just like me… (Can you see why I identify with him?)
Anyway, I am sure you remember the episode…but if you missed it somehow, like cable doesn’t work in your home (I know how that is, like at my house) or you have other responsibilities maybe you missed the episode I am talking about.
Pam’s parents have been having a “rough patch” and her father has spent a few nights at their house (Pam and Jim are married or soon will be I think).
[Unrelated note: Pam notes that she needs to buy her father a robe; it isn’t clear what that is about but he must not be in great shape or he IS in great shape and it is an embarrassment to her husband’s pale, flaccid flesh? Possible, but stay focused on the fact that he is staying with them for a few days and he must walk around naked (a vision that will last forever). ]
Suddenly Pam finds out from her mother that her father is looking for an apartment and moving out and leaving her mother. Pam is devastated. Her mother tells her that her father says that he had talked to Jim and after he thought about it he decided Jim was right and he needed to just leave her mother.
Pam is distraught and wants to know what Jim told her father. What did Jim say that got her father to leave her mother!? Jim of course has no recollection of anything of significance. Men can be like that sometimes, they don’t say anything and aren’t as verbal (allegedly) so what could it have been?
Maybe Jim asked what he wanted for breakfast? Perhaps her father discussed his relationship with his wife and asked Jim for marital advice? Jim of course has no idea what he said or what he did. In fact h e didn’t think there was anything in particular that was special about their conversation. Nope; just guy talk about nothing in particular. We can do that all day long.
“What’s on television today?...really? Who is playing? Yeah…I think they will beat their a*$...but that is why they play the game (conspiratorial laughter) …rumbling stumbling...he-could-go-all-the-way…TOUCHDOWN…can I get you a drink?...so how are you and the wife?...really? that’s too bad…I love this advertisement…me too…that guy is a loudmouth…what are you going to do? How are you going to patch it up?...I don’t know...the usual…can you get me some chips? Thanks…when will Pam be home?...what’s for dinner?...”
You know, guy talk. Covering the big issues in life (birth, food, death, sex, life, beer, marriage, lack of sex, retirement, food, women, beer, women spending money, sex and food, beer and…) all worked around football, baseball or whatever is on television.
So Jim is confused, Pam is angry at Jim and even then she is suddenly worried. The marital perfection and emotional rock and fantasy that was the perfect marriage (her parent’s) has just been shattered and she doesn’t know why. And now she must worry that Jim is going to someday just up and leave her and her own dreams of a fairy-tale marriage can be crushed just like that. Jim is a little more practical, I mean over 50% of all marriages end in divorce (a misleading statistic BTW) so sure it could happen.
Maybe Jim is actually like me?! He isn’t going to stay in some miserable relationship or even one that requires “work”. Marriage should be a shelter and a partnership that brings joy, peace, personal quiet and happiness. If he wants another type of work he could just get a second job. A second job is a lot like a bad marriage: no sex, no peace, cold dinner, lumpy couch, bad conditions and you are basically grumpy and occasionally go out with your co-workers for coffee (shots…) to complain about the boss.
Who wants a second job? Get divorced and at least you can watch television in peace, sleep as late as you want, eat what you want when you want without somebody wanting to talk about “the relationship” or complaining how you aren’t doing your part or meeting them “half-way.”
For the record, in case you are wondering where I sit with all that…well I personally believe that I should give 100% of love and affection to my spouse. I love my kids by loving my wife (for men) and wives love their children anyway but love them more by loving their husbands 100%. Together that makes 200%, so if somebody falls a little short in their percentages (normally the wives fall short of 100% from the men I talk to…) the couple is still well over 100% in the love, affection and joy and happiness department. But if the relationship or marriage becomes work…I am so outta here…because I don’t want a second job. I have one in the National Guard; one weekend a month, two weeks a year and another 400 days every so often on an all expenses paid vacation in a miserable location not of your choosing. So I don’t want another second job because I already have one!
Pam calls her father again and finds out what it was that Jim said. She is shocked. She can’t believe it.
Pam turns to Jim and tells him what her father says Jim said. (Paraphrase from memory) “My father said you (Jim) told him that you loved me so much that every day you want to wake up and see me. You can’t wait to talk to me every day and the great joy in your life is spending time with me. You want to spend your life with me and can’t imagine not having me in your life. He said he has never felt like that with my mother and if he doesn’t have that with her he should just leave.” Pam smiles and pulls close to Jim and gives him a hug. She is smiling in a combination of quiet joy and contrasting sadness and pain for her mother’s loss.
So there you go. That is what a marriage is supposed to be like; that is what a husband is supposed to feel; that is what wives should get their husbands to want and feel every day. Marriage is built on love;
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
But just in case it does…if the marriage is just another job that requires work you have to remember that guys are a little lazy and if a second job doesn’t pay they will just quit (Johnny Paycheck sings "Take this job and shove it!") and is just going to move out to an apartment.
Consider your own situation; I encourage you to examine yourself and decide: Is it all I want it to be? Can it be all that it should be? Or should I just go and get an apartment?
Me? I am not going to move out and get an apartment when I get home. Sure, I thought about it for…a few hours (while I was on vacation; I quit really easily; I am lazier than many, not as lazy as some.) but after some time, a little discussion and maybe some prayer…I am staying.
1 Peter 4:8 (paraphrase)
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of shortcomings.
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