R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (I finally figured out why it is important to everything!)

Aretha Franklin sang a song about it.  I have been working through my feelings about numerous issues and I finally figured it out.  It is all about respect.

The XO says it is Biblical. A little research shows he is correct (again!)  For men it is all about respect.  Men are to love their wives as themselves and wives are to respect their husbands.  Isn’t that interesting?  Men need respect and women need love.

The military teaches to respect the leaders put over us and their rank or position.  We do that.  We may not like the man; we may not appreciate his decisions; we may not respect the leader’s actions, but we respect the position and act as though we respect them completely.  Our actions “speak” respect as required even if our thoughts or private words do not.

We respect the laws of the land or are willing to suffer the punishment for their violation (even if I didn’t mean to be speeding…) Respect is the required of leaders towards their subordinates.  Disrespect is on the increase and is a source of violence and other social pathologies.  And a decreasing lack of respect affects me.

My children and I have had a long discussion about tattoos and the value of them not getting one.  I was bothered because I realized that my simple arguments were ineffective: tattoos cheapen you; tattoos cause people to judge you and often in an unfavorable light; tattoos are not normally found on people who are successful in the traditional paths of society.  Tattoos are indicative of youthful impetuousness, indiscretion, lower class, a lack of long term thinking and ultimately a method to show disrespect to parents and society at large.  Tattoos were for years only found on Sailors and the unlawful dregs of society like motorcycle gangs, unlawful gangs in general and any incarcerated members of society.

When I ask my children to not get a tattoo I recognize all of the long term implications and reflections.  I (being the judgmental man that I am) would probably not have dated a woman who had a tattoo for all the reasons listed above; what does it say about her?!  Now it is more difficult to find people without tattoos, but there are still many out there (or their tattoos are tastefully hidden). 

But when I ask my children to not have a tattoo it is ultimately a matter of respect.  Respect for me as the father, as the person who is the head of the household and responsible for paying out emotionally and financially from the day they were born and continues through college.  I have paid a lot for them with the investment of time, love, money and emotional concern; all I ask is a little respect.    

So what about flip-flops at church?  Is that not disrespectful of God? When I was young men wore suits and women wore dresses as a sign of respect to both God and the other members of the congregation.  Wearing clothes that had an element of humility demonstrated (in a small way) the respect and awe that was due God.

Well, thanks to Christian outreach there is now a recognition that good outreach requires meeting people where they are and not where the church wants them to be.  So casual wear became the standard and certainly in California there began (and now is) a distinct lack of respect for the need to be humble and introspective in God’s presence.  Add up drinking coffee or eating in the pews and the devout become a little perturbed.  Where do you draw the line between church (the sanctuary) as a place of reverence and forgiveness and a lunchroom with a great soundtrack?

I have some pet peeves about respect:  spending your parent’s money without concern or awareness of the sacrifice they have made to let you spend it on college, clothes, cars, weekends or not studying.  Inappropriate language when it is offensive and unnecessary.  Everyone knows to not make comments that degrade gays, lesbians, and people of various colors, weights, heights or other ability.  But what about people who just want to have the basic respect of one human to another?  Respect for the aged, the infirm, and people who are just people regardless of their rank, station, money or position is a respect that needs to happen every day.

So I figured it out why I prefer to talk to friends and associates by their rank or position rather than their name or nickname.  Pastor Jim (not just Jim), Sir, and not just the given name, Sergeant or Chief and not their given name (with specific exceptions for nicknames that truly show affection and closeness: Sexy Jake, Hotcakes, P92Y, Babyface, Fists of Fury, etc.) I still call Major Beauty “Major” and the XO by his rank and SSG Flocking and others by their rank and then their last name.  That is how I show respect to them.    

Respect is a two way street and when a leader has a sense of entitlement it means he generates a lack of respect among the led.  Good leaders respect people for who they are; Respect accepts the dignity of all people; Respect is a two way street.  RESPECT:  Get some, give some and remember that men need respect.  Always.

Romans 13:7
Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Timothy 3:4
He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.

1 Peter 2:17
Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

Echoes of mercy, whispers of love…

Maybe you know that phrase from a hymn?  Sometimes things just jump out at you.

Our time here in Iraq has been blessed.  How else can you consider it?  

We have been attacked by mortars on more than one occasion (See Blog post:  “Give me that boom, boom, boom…”) with only some damaged aircraft, holes in equipment, and some worried Soldiers. Major Beauty’s window blown out and a large piece of hot shrapnel making a hole and bouncing back to burn (melt) a hole into her nylon cover on her bed (She wasn’t in her room and the shrapnel would have missed her head anyway if she was lying down on her bed…). There were a few Soldiers shaken up here and there at the time (and many more gun shy for the rest of the time), but no loss of life or serious injuries.  Is that mercy or what?

We have had some medical emergencies here; gallstones (requiring removal of the gall bladder, broken bones, some more broken something or other (bike accident) requiring serious medical evacuation and falling off an aircraft.  Numerous Soldiers sent home for family emergencies, misconduct and a little of this and that.  But nobody has committed suicide (Thank God!) and overall there is a good feeling of morale throughout the organization.

God’s love, mercy and grace is everywhere you look if you only choose to see.  But you have to listen; you need to look.  We know that there are whispers of love and echoes, echoes, echoes of his mercy everywhere for those who have ears to hear.   

Psalm 143:8

 Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.

Matthew 13:15 (paraphrase)

¹⁵ …Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,
   understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.

There is an hour of my life I am never going to get back!

Was that the worst meeting I have ever attended?  No.  Not by a long shot!  But it was another in a long line of meetings that when they are over somebody (in this case the S2, Mr. 747 pilot and Naval Academy Graduate) sidles up to you at the urinal and says “Well, that is an hour of my life I am never going to get back!”

A few years back I read the book “Death by Meeting” and I passed out ten copies to the staff.  They were generally not impressed.  A lot of people actually like meetings.  They get a chance to blah, blah, blah while providing nothing of value or meaning.  Some people confuse activity with accomplishment.  Not me.  I know a lousy meeting when I attend one.  Do you?  Can you tell when you just killed an hour of your life in a mind numbing, life stealing, purposeless driven attempt to pretend to accomplish something?

Although I am a government employee and we have plenty of time to discuss the benefits of one football team over another, wonder if we are going to get another pay raise this year and even wonder where California Guard recruiting is having their big shin-dig this year (since we aren’t in recruiting and won’t be going).  But some of us still hate to lose time to a meeting that we don’t need and didn’t ask for.  What is a meeting really for?  What should you accomplish in a meeting?  Read the book “Death by Meeting” to find out. 

I have fallen victim to the Siren song of the need for a meeting from time to time.  MSG Pine used to LOVE meetings and after I left that one battalion I understood they had meetings every day instead of twice a week.  Meetings don’t take the place of action, but many leaders think they do.  I fell victim first when I was young and in charge and we needed to have a weekly meeting.  Why did we have to have a weekly meeting exactly?  Everybody was doing it you know…that was what we were expected to do…how else can you accomplish anything if you don’t have a meeting?

Even here in Iraq we decided to continue our predecessor’s policy of having a meeting via Adobe Breeze (online) with our numerous subordinate units scattered throughout the IJOA for a couple of months.  Every week we would prepare slides and rehearse and rehearse so we sounded intelligent, confident and provide information and value to our “customers’.  After awhile I came to a light bulb moment: we talk to these people every day or more via the phone, personal visit or communicate via email and the internet using shared drives and other methods of communication.  Why do we need a “meeting”?  So we stopped. We saved over 30 Soldiers (meeting attendees in some capacity as presenter or audience) an hour every week.  Including the preparation time we saved probably over 50 Soldier work hours by cancelling that meeting.

When everybody can’t come together they either use the Adobe Breeze (which is advertised as something else on radio ads, but basically we can watch a slide presentation, ask questions on a microphone or type in our questions as the meeting progresses.  It is like a telephone conference on steroids. Online computer based meetings is an incredibly efficient way to communicate information and saves people hours and hours of travel time (like if they require a helicopter flight to all come together in one place).  But a meeting still needs to be a worthwhile effort with an effective purpose and outcome.  It can’t just be “because”; “Because” just makes people find “good” reasons to miss the meeting.

What is a good meeting?  A good meeting communicates information or allows multiple parties to communicate information that they would never be able to hear or communicate to the group any other way.  I attend a couple of good meetings every week or every other week.  One involves the headquarters above me and includes all the equivalent or higher commands who are working in the area of supporting the fight.  Transportation, moving stuff around, turning all the stuff in and making sure we get food, parts, ammunition, fuel and money where it needs to be on time is covered or discussed as necessary.  Only special issues needing emphasis get addressed.  There are more Generals and Colonels attending than little guys like me.  They don’t have time to waste.  Everybody gets a big picture view and sees how it might affect them even though it isn’t specific to them right now.  It allows for planning way ahead and bringing issues up that they might not hear from the operational side of the organization.  Most of these meetings are boring and not applicable, but for me there are a few diamonds and a bit of gold (18K) every meeting.

My staff all attend a specific meeting for their area every week where they either work through the details that allow us to perform our critical tasks or allow issues to percolate up and share common problems and solutions.  So I am not against meetings per se, just meetings that are not clearly delineated with a purpose, an end-state and have a time driven agenda rather than purpose driven one.

Every week we attend a big staff meeting where we brief the Commander.  I am all for briefing the commander, but we are all here every day 24/7.  We are in a war zone for goodness’ sake and there is nothing that the commander shouldn’t already be aware of that is important.  If he doesn’t already know it then it isn’t important enough to save for a Saturday meeting.  And everybody has to attend.  That means we have all the most important leaders in the whole organization either in one place or attending via Adobe Breeze to listen to the staff brief the commander on stuff that he should already be aware of.  And since the whole staff briefs there is an abbreviation of the information so there is no depth and detail; it is all a big overview.  If we have a meeting during the week that covers the same information we still have the mandatory weekly staff meeting.  Really; what else do I have to do but prepare, attend, brief and listen every week?

 The Doc loves to hear what I have to say every week.  I like to hear what the Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) has to say about what is happening in the brigade; any sexual harassment taking place?  Did we finish distributing the Brigade’s rape…er, Safety! whistles….okay, not really.  This meeting is the only chance the special staff (Medical, Legal, EEO, Chaplain, Weather, Safety, Standardization, and CWOB) get to (theoretically) brief the commander.  But if something important happens they can go right to him immediately.  Why do we have these meetings again?

Meetings like these began in the days of Napoleon or even later.  There was a time before cell phones, video conferences, Adobe Breeze, laser pointers, power point, word processors, photocopies, screens, projectors and of course the internet when they had meetings that brought everybody together.  Back in those days the only way to bring everybody (all the staffs, subordinate commands, important people and other interested or affected parties) up to date on what had happened in the past: day, week, month, quarter etc. was to come together and painstakingly present using black boards, butcher paper, wall sized maps and formal presentations requiring hand-held wooden sticks to point with and they briefed the commander.  (Emphasis on “Brief”, since even as brief as they were meetings in the Guard as late as 1990 lasted hours and were marathon sessions of mind numbing data, questions, obfuscations and “Great question, sir, let me get back to you next month” with leaders getting home after midnight with a normal work day scheduled the day.)

With all this technology available information flows so quickly and questions take seconds on an email rather than waiting for a monthly meeting; the regular monthly or (in Iraq, weekly) meeting and briefing to the commander has become an anachronism.  These “briefings” is a way to give the leader a sense that he is “leading” with his minions (staff) gathered around him.  

I always have wondered why leaders don’t get a “read ahead packet” so rather than waiting for a speaker to read each slide to him and explain what should be self-explanatory, the leader can instead bring his questions to the meeting. We have an elaborate dance where the leader acts important and is “briefed” by speakers who read off of slides and bit by bit the leader becomes informed.  If the speaker could read more quickly or write a more detailed explanation everybody in the meeting wouldn’t have to wait for the briefer to finish reading aloud to us what we can all easily read already written on the projected slide.

Mercifully, when the larger weekly (or other multi-staff) meetings end we all rise to attention, salute and say half-heartedly (or maybe less than half…) “Wings of the Sun”, which of course comes from…well it is our motto.  It indicates the history of…okay, we just made it up for this deployment, but it is still our motto or saying so we say it as directed.

But that isn’t how we do it.  We do it the old fashioned way because that is how the leaders were raised.  Leaders get briefed (at the highest level only key staff speaks) and sit, look and read while everybody silently awaits the word spoken from his lips as though they were to be commands delivered from the mount.  There are generals and distinguished visitors who arrive every few days wanting to be briefed and they sagely nod and observe and make trenchant comments while the bored staff waits until they can return to their normal duties.  The general is so important that we all must attend to show we care (even if we really don’t) because he might…maybe might…perhaps, might and maybe ask a question that can only be answered by some staff officer sitting in the back.  I have never seen it happen of course.  I have seen some folks (often a commander of one particular battalion) blurt out words about a slide or something that makes everybody look at him like he has a third eye and secretly want to throttle him; but we don’t.  The XO would lean over and whisper (metaphorically speaking) “Can’t he just keep his mouth shut?”  I think the same thing (if I am not reading my book...)

So we attend meetings here every week.  Meetings that we sit and listen as they give the 

same brief for the 45^th time to another general who might have seen it only once or twice before (“Sir, this is an update from the brief we provided to you last month…”) or occasionally for their first time.  (It reminds me how in California we flew people along the border to view the fence we were helping to build weekly or even more often.  If we had just filmed it completely and sent them a video they would have seen more and understood it better, saved a bundle on flight hours and crew costs; but who doesn’t want a government paid trip to san Diego?)

We have weekly staff updates…plus commander’s meetings plus …what else are we going to cover again?  Didn’t we cover that two days ago?  We were all there; do we really need to brief him again?

How about hallway meetings?  I do them often, walk down the hall way, pop my head in the door and ask a question and get some feedback. No long briefs, no formal events and no wasted time making slides and rehearsing if we don’t need to.  Lunch meetings where we meet for lunch daily and discuss what is happening in our area and get decisions, clarity, ideas and elevate possible problems quickly so we don’t have any surprises and we don’t need to wait a week to cover it. 

When my staff does need a meeting we gather in my office.  Normally LT BF will sit in the “seat of shame” which is the seat that is farthest from my seat.  It became so christened when early in the deployment he sat there as I berated him (privately of course) for what seemed FOREVER! (My children can attest that I circle back around to my point three or four times to make sure my point is made:  when I ask “Is that clear?” they should (metaphorically speaking) say “Crystal!”)

We cover what needs to be covered as expeditiously as possible and then conclude with the S4 cheer:  After we all come together and place our hands in the middle someone is designated to lead the cheer and the say “One, two, three Air Wolf!  Aaaaaaawooooo!” 

So today after church the XO was sitting with us and we were discussing the events and rumors that needed to be addressed by my section. The 8-299^th is going off the reservation and the CAV is trying to circumvent the rules and other units are trying to violate this policy or that.   The XO (who is eating lunch with us) says, “It seems like we (you) need a meeting!”

So now the meeting is scheduled and we will use Adobe breeze and some in person. I have high hopes that the meeting will address the issues I have discussed above and the attendees will feel like the time is well spent and provides valuable answers to nagging questions about this, that and the other thing. If it isn’t well run, managed and valuable then that is definitely just another hour of my life (and theirs) I am never going to get back. 

Paraphrase of Hebrews 10:25

We need to not give up our meetings as the day of our departure draws near

(Expected to be home with our families NLT 1 DEC 11 or earlier)

Dunder Mifflin and what love really looks like

In Taji you can get all 9 episodes of The Office for $10.00.  Nine seasons….obviously I have a little free time but it takes time to watch all those episodes. The show is a great distraction from writing so that might help explain a part of why I haven’t been writing.  I have been watching all the episodes of James Bond (27?) and now “the Office” plus non-chargeable R&R for 21 days…so I had a chance to think about getting my own apartment, if necessary, when I got back.  Crazy, I know, but I considered it.   

But what about love? There are many people who fall in and out of love in the series. There are many who fall in and out of love in life. And somewhere between season 4 and season 7 there was a scene that caught even hard hearted Sexy Jake by surprise.  I think it was him…it might have been Hot Cakes, but I can’t really remember exactly…but they were touched deeply.  Even more than when we watched “P.S. I love you!” (Official movie of the S4) or when any other romantic claptrap that causes wet stuff to get in the eyes and obscure your vision.

I agree with the show completely (it is a television show...that is always easier than real life…) That episode explains exactly how I feel a relationship should be.  But I get ahead of myself…and when I feel like a relationship (marriage) isn’t exactly as I think it should be I am ready to punch out, eject, move on, go my own way, live alone and in abject apathy because anything less isn’t a love I want to be involved in.  I don’t want to work at a marriage; I don’t want to understand, work to get along, struggle to make it work or even have to suffer in marriage or in the marriage.  I am lazy.

I want my marriage to be excitement, joy, warm feelings of excitement and expectation.  I want to wake every morning and see my bride as the morning light explodes and radiates across her face.  I want to love her to the end.  I want to see my wife as a princess and a queen every day all the time. A woman who is so special, unique, beautiful, precious, tender, fantastic and indescribably wonderful to me every day that I can’t live without her!  A woman that is better than a dream, more wonderful than a fantasy.  I want a friend whenever life is hard; a lover when I am lonely; a helpmate when I need assistance and someone who knows my needs before I do. I want to be that same man for my woman, my wife.  I want a lot.  

I know; how about those wedding vows?!  Sickness and health and so forth?  I can’t remember exactly the details of my vows, but I know some stuff was left out (something to do with “We don’t obey anymore!”), but I think wedding vows are like the pirate’s code.  Don’t give me a marriage parlay or dictate to me about the code.  As everyone knows the pirate’s code is more like…guidelines, you know?            

Please don’t distract me because it is possible that my dear wife, the apple of my eye, the woman in my life will someday read this and I must focus on what marriage really means to me.  Not just living with a ball and chain, having a built-in gardener and handyman or the other benefits and reasons that women marry men.  And why do men marry women?  A Mystery!  That is an absolute mystery. The better question is (and something I can handle) is: “Why do men stay married to women?”  I mean, what do we want?

Jim expresses it perfectly in this episode of "the office". 

If you are familiar with the program, you know that Jim often says many things that are a little cynical.  He is mostly honest in a forthright and slightly humorous way just like me… (Can you see why I identify with him?)

Anyway, I am sure you remember the episode…but if you missed it somehow, like cable doesn’t work in your home (I know how that is, like at my house) or you have other responsibilities maybe you missed the episode I am talking about. 

Pam’s parents have been having a “rough patch” and her father has spent a few nights at their house (Pam and Jim are married or soon will be I think).  

[Unrelated note: Pam notes that she needs to buy her father a robe; it isn’t clear what that is about but he must not be in great shape or he IS in great shape and it is an embarrassment to her husband’s pale, flaccid flesh?  Possible, but stay focused on the fact that he is staying with them for a few days and he must walk around naked (a vision that will last forever). ] 

Suddenly Pam finds out from her mother that her father is looking for an apartment and moving out and leaving her mother.  Pam is devastated.  Her mother tells her that her father says that he had talked to Jim and after he thought about it he decided Jim was right and he needed to just leave her mother.

Pam is distraught and wants to know what Jim told her father.  What did Jim say that got her father to leave her mother!?  Jim of course has no recollection of anything of significance.  Men can be like that sometimes, they don’t say anything and aren’t as verbal (allegedly) so what could it have been?

Maybe Jim asked what he wanted for breakfast? Perhaps her father discussed his relationship with his wife and asked Jim for marital advice? Jim of course has no idea what he said or what he did.  In fact h e didn’t think there was anything in particular that was special about their conversation.  Nope; just guy talk about nothing in particular.  We can do that all day long.

“What’s on television today?...really?  Who is playing?  Yeah…I think they will beat their a*$...but that is why they play the game (conspiratorial laughter) …rumbling stumbling...he-could-go-all-the-way…TOUCHDOWN…can I get you a drink?...so how are you and the wife?...really?  that’s too bad…I love this advertisement…me too…that guy is a loudmouth…what are you going to do?  How are you going to patch it up?...I don’t know...the usual…can you get me some chips?  Thanks…when will Pam be home?...what’s for dinner?...”    

You know, guy talk.  Covering the big issues in life (birth, food, death, sex, life, beer, marriage, lack of sex, retirement, food, women, beer, women spending money, sex and food, beer and…) all worked around football, baseball or whatever is on television.

So Jim is confused, Pam is angry at Jim and even then she is suddenly worried.  The marital perfection and emotional rock and fantasy that was the perfect marriage (her parent’s) has just been shattered and she doesn’t know why.  And now she must worry that Jim is going to someday just up and leave her and her own dreams of a fairy-tale marriage can be crushed just like that.  Jim is a little more practical, I mean over 50% of all marriages end in divorce (a misleading statistic BTW) so sure it could happen.   

Maybe Jim is actually like me?!  He isn’t going to stay in some miserable relationship or even one that requires “work”.  Marriage should be a shelter and a partnership that brings joy, peace, personal quiet and happiness.  If he wants another type of work he could just get a second job.  A second job is a lot like a bad marriage:  no sex, no peace, cold dinner, lumpy couch, bad conditions and you are basically grumpy and occasionally go out with your co-workers for coffee (shots…) to complain about the boss.

Who wants a second job?  Get divorced and at least you can watch television in peace, sleep as late as you want, eat what you want when you want without somebody wanting to talk about “the relationship” or complaining how you aren’t doing your part or meeting them “half-way.” 

For the record, in case you are wondering where I sit with all that…well I personally believe that I should give 100% of love and affection to my spouse.  I love my kids by loving my wife (for men) and wives love their children anyway but love them more by loving their husbands 100%.  Together that makes 200%, so if somebody falls a little short in their percentages (normally the wives fall short of 100% from the men I talk to…) the couple is still well over 100% in the love, affection and joy and happiness department.  But if the relationship or marriage becomes work…I am so outta here…because I don’t want a second job.  I have one in the National Guard; one weekend a month, two weeks a year and another 400 days every so often on an all expenses paid vacation in a miserable location not of your choosing.  So I don’t want another second job because I already have one! 

Pam calls her father again and finds out what it was that Jim said.  She is shocked.  She can’t believe it.

Pam turns to Jim and tells him what her father says Jim said. (Paraphrase from memory) “My father said you (Jim) told him that you loved me so much that every day you want to wake up and see me.  You can’t wait to talk to me every day and the great joy in your life is spending time with me.  You want to spend your life with me and can’t imagine not having me in your life.  He said he has never felt like that with my mother and if he doesn’t have that with her he should just leave.”  Pam smiles and pulls close to Jim and gives him a hug.  She is smiling in a combination of quiet joy and contrasting sadness and pain for her mother’s loss.

So there you go.  That is what a marriage is supposed to be like; that is what a husband is supposed to feel; that is what wives should get their husbands to want and feel every day.  Marriage is built on love;

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

But just in case it does…if the marriage is just another job that requires work you have to remember that guys are a little lazy and if a second job doesn’t pay they will just quit (Johnny Paycheck sings "Take this job and shove it!") and is just going to move out to an apartment.

Consider your own situation; I encourage you to examine yourself and decide:  Is it all I want it to be?  Can it be all that it should be?  Or should I just go and get an apartment? 

Me? I am not going to move out and get an apartment when I get home.  Sure, I thought about it for…a few hours (while I was on vacation; I quit really easily; I am lazier than many, not as lazy as some.) but after some time, a little discussion and maybe some prayer…I am staying.

1 Peter 4:8 (paraphrase)

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of shortcomings.

September 11, 2011

September 11, 2011
I wrote a letter (see below) to include with a certificate and a flag I mailed to friends and family I admire or appreciate.  The flags were flown aboard a UH-60 helicopter on a combat mission over Iraq.

Today in church we watched a short video remembering that day 10 years ago.  There is a lot of written documentation about what happened and how it happened, but I have two thoughts that struck me very clearly: Courage and Duty.

Todd Beamer who led a small group of passengers that stopped the terrorists on flight 93 from flying their aircraft into the White House and instead they forced the aircraft to crash into a field.  Courage is doing the right thing for the right reason even if it may hurt you, or in this case kill you.  Courage is what we do when we know what needs to be done and ignore the cost.

Duty:  There were over 300 firemen killed in that one incident.  Firefighting is dangerous work but that is the profession they chose and they performed their duty on that day.  They performed it without hesitation or regret.

Soldiers do the same two things:  We perform our duty every day and with courage when called.  We recognize that the price may be our life, our limbs or just time lost.  We stand ready every day to respond to the order, the call of the bugle or run to the sound of the guns.

All this is only in America.  God Bless the U.S.A.

MK

Dear Friend,
Enclosed is a flag that I flew in our helicopter on a combat mission in Iraq.  Details are on the certificate of the flight itself, but I wanted to give you a personal note to explain why I sent this to you and why I am where I am doing what I am doing.
First know that what I do is not particularly dangerous at any one time and our unit has been blessed so far with no deaths due to the enemy and only a few casualties who were wounded by shrapnel.  My blog (asoldierlooksat50@blogspot.com) covers most of what I think is happening from a professional standpoint and gives another perspective on the army life.
I am stationed at Camp Taji, Iraq which is located next to the city of Taji north of Baghdad about a 15 minute flight south.  I am in the headquarters of the Aviation Brigade and we have been responsible for all aviation operations in Iraq.
I fly about once a week (and as the Brigade S4 I am in charge of supplies, equipment and money and the staff that monitors all that) and flying isn’t my main job. My flights are with a company that is an airborne taxi service (think Super Shuttle:  Never more than three stops!) that moves soldiers and contractors around Baghdad so they don’t have to drive on the streets.  We can make anywhere from ten to twenty stops each mission going to wherever we have been scheduled to the day before.  Many of the flights are taking Soldiers to their departure point for mid-tour leave or bringing them back from leave. The flight can last from four to seven hours which can be a little hard on the body at my age (the vibration, heat and noise can wear you out.)
I am a Soldier and an American Fighting Man.  There are many ways the army communicates the message of selfless service to us in training and reinforces it regularly (especially when deployed).  One part of that reinforcement is listed below that I think summarizes my duty and responsibility.  This is from the United States Military Code of Conduct which has six articles that are our rules for Prisoners of War. I list two of the articles below.
Article I : I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.
Article VI: I will never forget that I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.
As time went on the army added the Warrior Ethos (below) because there was concern that Soldiers were not understanding or internalizing the role of a Soldier. This ethos gives a short understanding of what is important and in what order.

Warrior Ethos

I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
Reviewing that ethos brings home the possibility that some Soldiers won’t be coming back.  The mission is more important than the individual and we must carry on in the face of whatever adversity we come across.
The singer Toby Keith has a song titled “American Soldier”.  It causes me to tear and choke up whenever I hear it and I am not sure why.  Probably because I am a big marshmallow inside or these responsibilities have been internalized and I just don’t realize what they really mean until they are expressed by someone else.  A portion of those lyrics are here:
“And I will always do my duty no matter what the price
I’ve counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice
Oh and I don’t want to die for you, but if dyin’s asked of me
I’ll bear that cross with honor, cause freedom don’t come free.
I’m an American Soldier”
Why we are in Iraq and Afghanistan is always ready for debate.  When Soldiers and servicemen sign up they put themselves at risk and are subject to the whims and decisions of those placed over us.  We are at the mercy of the wisdom of our leaders and require the support of the people of the country we love and defend.   
You are one of those people.  I do this so you can keep doing what you do.  What you do is important and you are a part of what keeps America great.  The freedoms outlined in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights is so precious that we require Soldiers to be ready to defend those rights wherever the enemy of freedom is found.
You have a responsibility to practice those rights (however you understand them and practice them) so the Soldier’s cause is not in vain.
Enjoy this flag, this certificate, and know that I salute and appreciate you.  I serve for you.

Mark Kampa
LTC, AV
BDE S4
“Condor 4”

18 Candles: Happy Birthday!

Can we talk about love, relationships, marriage, family, affection and birthdays for a minute?

Everybody loves Baby Face (BF).  He is quiet, cute, friendly and looks about…18. 

Today was his birthday.  He comes to lunch and talked about the movie “16 Candles” (a classic from the 1980s) which is about a girl whose 16^th birthday is being overlooked (she thinks) because of her sister’s wedding.  Awwww.  Isn’t that sweet?

Baby Face almost got overlooked on his big day.  As Fists of Fury (FoF) was not present and she normally is in charge of all the big celebrations so the remaining ladies went off to the PX and got a cake and some special gifts.

As BF advances into to “Manhood” they didn’t want him to be unawares of the special requirements of a real man.  So everybody gathered together around 15:00 and sang “Happy Birthday!”, blew out imaginary candles on the cake and then he opened his gifts.  They said the gifts were from all of us, but truth be told the two of them recognized the need and just bought what was appropriate and necessary.

As each gift was unwrapped the “Oohs!” and “Aaaahs!” were mixed with laughter and knowing nods of affirmation.  The parents, aunts and uncles were all filled with joy because their little baby was just about all grown up!

“Hmmmm.  Shampoo?”  No.  Hair gel!  Because he wants to try out a flat top instead of his little Opie haircut.  Next is some “Old Spice” under arm deodorant; something masculine and an aid to good body odor control.  How about some “Axe” body spray, which you can spray on when you need an emergency bout of odor control (Also chicks dig it!)  Barbasol shaving cream…not that he needs it but if he ever does he will be ready!

Finally the last gift which looked like a magazine...“Oh NO!” I thought, I hope it isn’t that one magazine I saw him “reading” in the PX last week…and it wasn’t!  Instead it was “Sexy Latinas” magazine, which of course has pictures of clothed (barely) Latina women.  Now our little baby IS all grown up!

To conclude the festivities we were all going to watch the official movie of the CAB S4 “P.S. I Love You”.  The 2^nd and third official movies are “The Princess Bride” and “Galaxy Quest” followed by “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”.  All of these movies have a common theme of committed love to others, personal growth and change and a relaxed approach to love and life.

To watch the movie you need some Kleenex if you are a man and a whole box of tissues if you are a woman.  The first five minutes of the movie explains perfectly the relationship problems between men and women.  The men in the room were laughing and nodding their heads knowingly.  The women were doing the same.  Yep. That is exactly how people who love each other really fight.

This allows our young man to learn how to relate to women you love.  To this date we all think he is just an inexperienced fellow looking none too hard for the special someone in his life.  And we all agree “There is nothing wrong with that!” 

Allow me to quote some great things the male hero says to his wife of about 7 years: 

To his wife he says:  “Every morning I still wake up and the first thing I want to do is to see your face.” Later as they argue about what their life may become and she expresses dissatisfaction with their life he says: “What do you want? I know what I want, cause I'm holding it in my hands.” As he held her shoulders and looked lovingly into her eyes.

Later another character has this conversation with the wife whispering as he tries to understand why he has troubles figuring women out.

“What do women want?”
“We have no idea what we want.”
“I knew it!”

The movie theme song is from the Pogues who have a questionable style and I don’t recommend them as a group, but this song is sung with a tenderness and emotion that makes you overlook the punk aspects and recognize it for the love ballad that it is.  This is the song men who love their wives want to sing every single day (if only in their hearts) if their wives would only let them:

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you 'till the end

I love you 'till the end

How do you finish up after a good tear jerker and chips and cake?  You talk leadership, NCO and officer leadership.  There is a long professional discussion about how leaders need to uphold the standard and things we need to do and not do.  The most important thing to remember is that the first person you need to talk to and have examine themselves is the man in the mirror. 

Finally the conversation drifts and the big question is asked directly.  BF looked straight at me and as directly as he possibly could he said, “Hey, sir, umm, am I going to be at this desk when I return from leave?” 

So direct and without fear he just blurted it out.  He didn’t say, “Sir:  I heard you tell the S3 in the hallway as we were walking to chow yesterday that you might transfer me to the S3 Plans section.  Is that your intention?”

So I stood there dumbfounded that he would ask such a strong question without fear or reservation.  The rest of the staff egged me on “Come on sir!  He deserves the truth!  Tell him the truth!”  Of course they all knew what the truth was because they heard me talk in the hallway also, and so they had asked me.  But they didn’t want to let BF know.  That would be too easy.  They wanted me to tell him, so I said, “You might want to clean out your desk before you leave”.

“Oh sir!  Tell him the truth!  You have to tell him sir!  It is the right thing to do.” the whole staff kept after me.

When we were walking down the hall the S3 was with us (which is very unusual) and I saw BF and the others in front of us a few paces and never missing an opportunity I said, “Do you really think we need to transfer LT Godfrey to the S3 plans?”  Without missing a beat or additional prompting the S3 (who is much smarter than he looks) said “Yeah.  I think we will have to do that.  We need the help and he needs the professional development.” Then we switched topics and let the issue simmer.

There was some additional discussion about the why and wherefore and how he heard and so forth.  Finally he shrugged his shoulders, shifted his weight a little and said “I haven’t slept in the past two days wondering about this”.  Poor boy!  He could have just asked me…but he didn’t.

Do you really think a father could do that to his own son?  Would the “Familia” allow that to happen?  There would be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth if our little BF was banished to the S3 Plans (arguably a place compared to Purgatory, but not as nice.)  The S4 needs someone to gently pick on and show love to; someone to help grow and mature and gently rebuke and build up.  He is a little brother, a son, a nephew and even the nice little next door neighbor’s kid.  Think Beaver, Opie and a little Cameron all rolled up into one. Would we do that to somebody we love and want the best for?  Would we do that to someone who has a degree in Digital Media (whatever that is) from Fresno State University, the 2010 College World Series National Baseball Champions?  I don’t think so!

I could have told him we love him and we can’t let him go.  I could have said that his skills are so important to the team that he couldn't be replaced (but I don’t want to exaggerate unduly).  I could have told him that the team would revolt if I ever allowed him to escape and not be there for our gentle jokes and humor enjoyed at his expense.  But I didn’t.  Instead I told him I love him like this “No.  We were just kidding.  We aren’t going to let you go.  We need somebody to pick on and that somebody is you.  You are welcome!”

So if you see Baby Face please tell him we love him and “Happy Birthday!”