R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (I finally figured out why it is important to everything!)

Aretha Franklin sang a song about it.  I have been working through my feelings about numerous issues and I finally figured it out.  It is all about respect.

The XO says it is Biblical. A little research shows he is correct (again!)  For men it is all about respect.  Men are to love their wives as themselves and wives are to respect their husbands.  Isn’t that interesting?  Men need respect and women need love.

The military teaches to respect the leaders put over us and their rank or position.  We do that.  We may not like the man; we may not appreciate his decisions; we may not respect the leader’s actions, but we respect the position and act as though we respect them completely.  Our actions “speak” respect as required even if our thoughts or private words do not.

We respect the laws of the land or are willing to suffer the punishment for their violation (even if I didn’t mean to be speeding…) Respect is the required of leaders towards their subordinates.  Disrespect is on the increase and is a source of violence and other social pathologies.  And a decreasing lack of respect affects me.

My children and I have had a long discussion about tattoos and the value of them not getting one.  I was bothered because I realized that my simple arguments were ineffective: tattoos cheapen you; tattoos cause people to judge you and often in an unfavorable light; tattoos are not normally found on people who are successful in the traditional paths of society.  Tattoos are indicative of youthful impetuousness, indiscretion, lower class, a lack of long term thinking and ultimately a method to show disrespect to parents and society at large.  Tattoos were for years only found on Sailors and the unlawful dregs of society like motorcycle gangs, unlawful gangs in general and any incarcerated members of society.

When I ask my children to not get a tattoo I recognize all of the long term implications and reflections.  I (being the judgmental man that I am) would probably not have dated a woman who had a tattoo for all the reasons listed above; what does it say about her?!  Now it is more difficult to find people without tattoos, but there are still many out there (or their tattoos are tastefully hidden). 

But when I ask my children to not have a tattoo it is ultimately a matter of respect.  Respect for me as the father, as the person who is the head of the household and responsible for paying out emotionally and financially from the day they were born and continues through college.  I have paid a lot for them with the investment of time, love, money and emotional concern; all I ask is a little respect.    

So what about flip-flops at church?  Is that not disrespectful of God? When I was young men wore suits and women wore dresses as a sign of respect to both God and the other members of the congregation.  Wearing clothes that had an element of humility demonstrated (in a small way) the respect and awe that was due God.

Well, thanks to Christian outreach there is now a recognition that good outreach requires meeting people where they are and not where the church wants them to be.  So casual wear became the standard and certainly in California there began (and now is) a distinct lack of respect for the need to be humble and introspective in God’s presence.  Add up drinking coffee or eating in the pews and the devout become a little perturbed.  Where do you draw the line between church (the sanctuary) as a place of reverence and forgiveness and a lunchroom with a great soundtrack?

I have some pet peeves about respect:  spending your parent’s money without concern or awareness of the sacrifice they have made to let you spend it on college, clothes, cars, weekends or not studying.  Inappropriate language when it is offensive and unnecessary.  Everyone knows to not make comments that degrade gays, lesbians, and people of various colors, weights, heights or other ability.  But what about people who just want to have the basic respect of one human to another?  Respect for the aged, the infirm, and people who are just people regardless of their rank, station, money or position is a respect that needs to happen every day.

So I figured it out why I prefer to talk to friends and associates by their rank or position rather than their name or nickname.  Pastor Jim (not just Jim), Sir, and not just the given name, Sergeant or Chief and not their given name (with specific exceptions for nicknames that truly show affection and closeness: Sexy Jake, Hotcakes, P92Y, Babyface, Fists of Fury, etc.) I still call Major Beauty “Major” and the XO by his rank and SSG Flocking and others by their rank and then their last name.  That is how I show respect to them.    

Respect is a two way street and when a leader has a sense of entitlement it means he generates a lack of respect among the led.  Good leaders respect people for who they are; Respect accepts the dignity of all people; Respect is a two way street.  RESPECT:  Get some, give some and remember that men need respect.  Always.

Romans 13:7
Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Timothy 3:4
He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.

1 Peter 2:17
Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.